This wouldn't be the first time I've blogged about her. I just don't understand; why is our friendship more complicated than everyone else's? There is no doubt that we have drifted apart over the years, but there is still something that is stopping our friendship from being completely over - her grudge against me.
For some reason, something I did in the past have made her so bitter towards me. Honestly, hearing about all this has made me quite angry. During my week back in NZ, all I did was try to be nice to her, but hearing what she has to say about me to other people just makes me even more fed up with everything.
Details, details. I am going to make a list. Though, its going to be short.
(This post may seem like a complete bitch-fest, but blogging is just my way to vent)
1. I wanted to see everyone, and with my limited time in NZ I thought the best way to do that was to organise a dinner. So I texted her on Wednesday. Our conversation went like this, word-for-word:
Me (11:02): Hey, I'm back in NZ! Are you free for dinner tonight?
* (13:27): Hey :) welcome back. Is it just me and you or a group?
Me (13:27): Just a big group catch up with everyone
* (13:29): Oh okie well I've actually got plans so maybe some other time :)
* (13:29): Are you free to hang tomorrow? I could come pick you up lol. And we could go for lunch or something.
* (13:31): I finish work at 7. I work at the chocolate shop with E now lol. Umm cos I made plans with **(her bf) but if ** can come along to the dinner well cancel our dinner. Reply quick please! Cos gotta get all this planned etc. what time is dinner and where?
Me (13:35): Yeah bring him along! We are having dinner at mezze bar on high street at 7!
* (13:37): Mm I finish work at 7 though~ how long is dinner going on for? Is anything happening after?
Me (13:41): Not really sure. I just wanted to meet up with everyone because I'm leaving next week
* (13:42): Okie ill try and come~ it'll probably take me an hour to get there cos I gotta go home and change and then come out again~
Me (13:50): Okk hopefully see you tonight
Sounds like a pretty normal conversation, right? But during the whole convo she was texting and asking other people about the dinner. Some stuff she said (not word-for-word):
- "Christine just asked me to dinner. Is it just with me or a whole group?" Not sure why she had to ask other people when she asked me anyway.
- "If its with other people I'm not going."
- "I don't want to see everyone greasing up to her." Wtf does this even mean?!
I knew all this as it was happening, hence my delayed replies. I was pretty annoyed, but whatever, I let it go.
She came to the dinner, an hour and a half later after everyone finished eating. She didn't tell me when she was coming
With her boyfriend, and not really making conversation with anyone else. I don't know if it is because she feels uncomfortable talking to the others because she isn't that close with them, or if it was because she really didn't want to be there. I did slide over and had a little chat. Small talk though. But I thought it was okay.
We decided we were going to go Cassette for teapots, and she told us to go first and that she'll meet us there because she just ordered some food. We left, but went to Caravanserai for some shisha instead. Since the place was quite small, we split onto three different tables. I thought everything went fine. Even though we were split up, it was still fun. I moved around the tables and had chats with everyone. Of course, that included her and meeting her boyfriend. All in all, I thought it was pretty good night. I got to catch up with everyone just like I wanted.
2. Friday night, we decided we were all going out. Went to Primo to get stamped first, and then to Sixth for drinks because Cassette had some event. Was pretty empty at first, but it got better. While everyone was around the bar table , shouting each other drinks, she was sitting on her boyfriend's lap being anti-social. Honestly, I didn't make an effort to talk to her or try make her join in. But she ended up leaving early and started texting E, complaining about how she didn't want to buy drinks because she has no money and how no one even tries to talk to her and how she's not having fun. Obviously, we were all like 'wtf, where is she and why did she leave?' And something else she said was brought to my attention. Before we went to Sixth, we were at maccas deciding what to do. J told me that she made a comment to him, something along the lines of "When Christine says to leave, everyone just gets up and goes" - in a snarly way. And when J told her that it was actually him that said 'let's go', she had nothing much to say.
It seems like everything I do just pisses her off in a way.
3. J (girl-J) showed me the conversation she had with her through texting. She said that she hasn't really "forgiven me yet". Wtf did I do?! Was it the Muriwai thing? Because that happened three years ago and I apologised back then. I thought we were over that. It couldn't be that much of a deal to her that she is still holding a grudge now.
This whole situation is so stupid, its pathetic. I was completely fine, I didn't know she had beef with me. I vented to quite a few friends about this, only friends that were aware of this of course. But arghhhhhuhgoerawokr, it just made me so angry to know all of this. Because I know for a fact that she isn't afraid of confrontation. So why hasn't she confronted me about anything?
4. H had dinner with her the other day, and this topic came up.
She wants an apology from me, because apparently, I've never apologised for anything before. Bullshit. She just doesn't remember. I know I will sound completely immature and stubborn for saying this, but I am never going to apologise just because she wants me to.
The Muriwai incident - apparently I've never apologised for it. Wtf.
Brief: Her birthday, three years ago. Beginning of 2010. She had a birthday dinner, and I told her I wasn't sure if I could make it because I was working from 9 -7pm that day, but I would try. A and T came over when I was working and said they would wait for me and go to the dinner with me after I finished. They said they were going to wait at an internet cafe nearby and told me to find them after.
When work ended, I started walking towards the cafe but a car with Jx2, A and T were in it. So I hopped in, thinking we were going to the dinner. But J told me we were going Muriwai instead to watch the sunset. Me, being tired, didn't argue and quite frankly, that was more appealing than the birthday dinner where I had to make small talk to a bunch of people I wasn't too close with. Yeah so I texted her and told her I couldn't make the dinner, but didn't tell her I was going to Muriwai with JJAT instead.
Word slipped the week after, that I ditched the dinner and one of our friends found out. Long-story-short, a big deal was made by this friend and J and I decided to talk to * at interval the next day. Turned out, she didn't know anything about what happened, and it was just a big-for-nothing deal made. We APOLOGISED and she said that it was okay and the whole thing was unnecessary.
HOWEVER, she brought it up a year later to R, saying that she didn't understand why I did that. WTF, I explained everything to her already! It got to the point where other people told me she was still dwelling on it. It came up a couple of times a year. Honestly, GET OVER IT ALREADY. OMG. what more can I do???
I know I'm being ridiculously immature about the whole matter. We both are. We should just sit down and talk about this. But when she suggested that we hang together one-on-one, first thought that came into my mind was "No." I don't want to, especially not after I know the things she has been saying about me. I know that if we were alone, and she starts to bring any of this up, I will get upset and angry. I would defend myself, and start saying shit about all the times that she has been a bad friend. And I don't want to do that; it just sounds so petty.
I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing all of this, so sick of the problem between us two. At this point, our friendship is pretty much non-existent anymore. And a talk won't change anything, it won't make things better. That is because I don't even want to try anymore. In my eyes, we've never been that close of friends, even though she says otherwise. We might've been close long, long ago, but it was so long ago I don't even remember. Friends forgive and forget.
#girlproblems. Why can't we be men, have a fist fight and then everything will be over?
Ending on a happier note, H and I spent two hours on skype trying to photoshop a guy into a girl. Fun times.
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