Thoughts. (Updated frequently)

"Lets be honest; the person I lie to most is myself. "

Saturday 29 December 2012

2012 + 2013 resolutions

I'm starting to feel sorry for myself, which is never a good thing. 

Last night, right after I spilled my drink all over my laptop, I realised how tragic I have let myself become. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been working like crazy while everyone is out enjoying the sun and spending time with their family and friends. Not complaining about work though, it is one of the busiest times of the year in retail and I like earning money so I can blow it on unnecessary materialistic items. Regardless of how many hours I work, I still get a couple of days off work in which I can spend however I want. Except I choose to stay at home and do nothing. I have become so antisocial I don't even bother trying to contact people to hang out or sometimes even step out of the house.

I realised that I have unconsciously pushed everyone away that has tried to get to know me better, which leaves me having no close friends in Sydney. I know that if I make more of an effort this would not be a problem, but I actually quite like being alone. But still. 

The place I am staying is such a hole. For some reason, it has become dirtier and there are more insects around. Not sure if it is because of the weather, but I blame the new guy that recently moved in. Before he moved in, I had not seen any cockroaches around. Last night, I saw two. And a massive spider. I need to leave this place. Only 2 months left.

I did so horrible in my exams its not even funny. My WAM has been pushed down so much, I couldn't get into law through program transfer. If I had continued to do as well as I did in my first semester, I would've gotten in. I slacked off so much this semester, I am so disappointed in myself. But on the other hand, I was so relieved to see that I did not fail anything. Sigh, my standards have dropped so much.


How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?


But 2013 is around the corner, which means its time for new years resolutions right? Every year, I don't bother setting any goals for myself because I know that I won't follow throgh. I am coming to the end of a pretty unsuccessful year, but next year will be better. I will make sure of it.

I will take studying more seriously. I know that everyone always says this, but this time I mean it. I do not want to stoop to the level I am now, to feel like such a failure. I came to Australia to gain a better education, thus I must try harder, to achieve beyond the bare minimum. I will attend all my lectures and tutorials. I cannot be lazy and skip these just because I do not feel like it that day. I need to bring up my WAM, I know I can do it if I just spend more time on my course work.

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you will go."


I will try to stop being so closed off. I want to word this better, but essentially that is what I need to do. I need to get over my insecurities. I have no idea how to do this, but I will work towards it. I know that one of my biggest flaws is that I am too independent for my own good; I don't like to depend on people. Even for the smallest things. Especially the small things, because I know I can do it myself. But it never hurts to ask others for help. 


“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”



I will be more involved. With university, with people. I guess this will help the goal above, but I want to get more involved with the activities the university has. I want to join clubs that will be beneficial to me, and will help me build on my resume. 

“Try them, try them, and you may! Try them and you may, I say.”



I will be able to pay for my own rent by the end of the year. I set myself this goal because to be quite honest, I feel like such a  financial burden on my parents. It was my decision alone to leave home to a foreign country, why are they financing my impulse decisions? I know they love me and would never complain about this, but I love them too and I want to take some pressure off them.


"Just tell yourself, Duckie, you’re really quite lucky."

I will save half of my paycheck every time I get paid. (Assuming I am still working next year). I am actually going to start doing this next week. I am going to the bank to set up a separate savings account, and every paycheck I will transfer half of my earnings into it. This will help me reach the previous goal, to take some burden off of my parents. I spend too much money on unnecessary things, and I am going to teach myself to save this way. Until I reach a certain amount, I will not be allowed to touch this money (except for emergencies, which is unlikely to happen). 

"Step with care and great tact. And remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act."

I want to have no regrets by the end of 2013. I wish I tried harder in 2012. There are things I regret not doing, and some things I do regret doing this year. By the end of the year, I don't want to think "I wish I did this, or I wish I didn't do this." I want to be proud of everything I did during the year.

"If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too."

These are the goals I will work towards in 2013. How will I enforce it? It will all depend on my own motivation, which I found that was never really strong. But after such a bad year, I have the drive to make everything better. 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go.” 

Oh how I love Dr. Seuss. 

 “And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed.”

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