Something's been on my mind lately, and it's been bothering me for a while now. I want to tell you in person, but I'm not sure how to. You probably won't even listen to me - not that you're ever around anyway.
I am writing this to get something off my chest. I don't want this to bother me anymore. By writing this, I hope that one day in the future you will stumble across it and read it with a calm and collected mind. There may be some things you won't agree with, but don't get angry, this has been my mind for quite some time.
We have been drifting apart for around two years now, I think it started around the beginning of Yr12. Last year my sister told me, "I saw ****** today, she told me you guys aren't really friends anymore because you guys don't talk."
True, I guess. But does that mean we're not friends anymore?
(FYI:The number of stars do not represent the name of the person, I just felt like clicking Shift+8 that many times)
Anyways, that was last year. What really got me thinking was a Saturday this year, when we went to the movies together. As we were walking to 277 after the movie, you suddenly left crying because I said something that may have hurt you.
That night when the five of us had that talk, you made me feel extremely guilty. I felt like I had been a really bad friend. You opened up, about how you thought things aren't the same, how we all aren't as close anymore.
But when I went home and thought about it, it seemed like you blamed us for the deterioration of our friendship. Yes, maybe we were at fault, but so were you. Both parties need to be pulling the same weight for it to work. Otherwise, one side will get tired of making all the effort.
You didn't try understand the situation from my point of view - why I said the things I said. But I don't even care about that anymore.
You tell us you feel excluded, that we don't make an effort to hang out with you anymore.
But I don't see how we can. You're hardly ever around - we don't even see you most of the year. And when we do see you, you choose to isolate yourself by sitting down and texting the entire time. You don't even make the effort to start or join in the conversation.
And it is unfair to say we didn't make an effort. We do, you just have better things to do.
You used to be very protective of your friends. You didn't like other people coming into our circle of friends - you thought this would affect our existing friendship. I remember the fight you had because of me. Friendship was important to you.
Are your morals still the same?
You prioritize other things before your friends - you are aware of this too. It seems very easy for you to make up excuses and avoid certain events you don't feel like going to. Yes, it may be more fun for you to hang out with your boyfriend but would it kill you if you were separated from him for one night?
The thing that you got angry at me for, the thing you won't let go; you also did.
No one can read your mind. Your expectations of us are too high. We have no idea what you are thinking. We don't know when you're sad, or when you need someone to talk to. Partly because you are never around, and also because we don't have some sort of sixth sense that allows us to know how other people are feeling. If you don't say it, we won't know.
You've been lying. To me, to us, and to everyone around you. But most importantly, you've been lying to yourself.
There has been things that I have found out through other people, that I wish I would've personally heard from you. There is so much I didn't know about you. Sometimes I wonder - were we ever close? I don't even remember.
Are you really happy with where you are now, who you are with and what you are doing?
Or are you just fooling yourself?
If you are genuinely content with your life right now, then there should be nothing for you to complain about. If this is the case, then I am happy for you too.
Forgive and forget. Some say this is the key to happiness.
Don't hold a grudge on the little things someone did to piss you off. Put it behind you and let it go. If you don't, its hard to move on. After this post, I am going to try and forget everything that has happened, and just put it behind me. I won't let it bother me anymore.
I hope that you understand that it can never go back to how it used to be - as with anything. People grow apart, and will definitely make new friends. It doesn't mean that these new friends replace the old ones, it just means that we have more friends.
The things above may come off as a little bit harsh, but I just want to let you know I am worried about you. You haven't been turning up at school, and I have a fair idea of where you were instead. I can bet my money you're there right now.
Sometimes, I think that you are being a bit selfish. There are a lot of people who worry about you, but you choose to ignore them and do what you want. People are patient, but they aren't gonna be there forever.
"I wonder if she will realise that we've been here all along."Yeah, I wonder too.
Maybe you will never come across to read this. Oh well.
* And for those who know what this is about, don't mention anything. I know she won't ever read this, this is really just a way for me to let something go.
No comments:
Post a Comment